Page 25 - IJSA, Vol. 1, No 1-2, 2018

Vol. 1, No. 1-2, 2018 IJSA

divorce, yet this group does best in the long run. with each other at every visit (Ash and Guyer, 1988;
Preschoolers become extremely needy and anxious. Wallerstein and Blakeslee, 1989). From the standpoint
Being egocentric in their thinking, they blame of children’s adjustment, an amicable divorce is better
themselves for the divorce (“Daddy is leaving because than a bitter marriage, but a prolonged and bitter
I left my toys on the stairs”). A year and a half later, divorce is worst of all (Wade and Tavris, 1990, p. 485-
about half of these children, especially the boys, are 486). Divorce not only negatively affects children but
still deeply troubled. After five years, more than a third also unwanted side affect for woman (Kader, 2018).
of them are still moderately to severely depressed. Not only divorce but also incretion is another issue for
However, most have forgotten the distress and fears single parenting. Hairston (2007) highlights this issue.
they felt at the time of the divorce and are less Prisoners are not lone individuals operating without
burdened by the divorce than older children until social ties or consequences. They are members of
adolescence. Yet most of them still speak sadly of the families, and have family roles, commitments and
disruption and some of them still have fantasies of their obligations. Incarceration involves not only the
parents’ reconciliation. Almost all of them remain physical separation of prisoners from society, but
emotionally attached to their fathers, whether the father separation from their families, children and friendship
visits them often or rarely, predictably or erratically. networks as well. Research shows that prisoners and
Elementary – school age children (ages 7 to 12) are not their families identify numerous financial, social and
as likely to blame themselves for the divorce, but most emotional issues associated with parental incarceration.
feel abandoned and lonely nevertheless. They are better Incarceration of a parent is very much a family matter.
than preschoolers at expressing their feelings, but they It has long-range economic, emotional and social
have trouble in managing conflicting emotions toward consequences that affect prisoners, families and that
the custodial parent, such as anger and sadness. They can affect children’s well-being.
often fear that if they make that parent angry, he or she Every year, millions of parents separate, divorce, or
will leave them too. remarry. Many writer have focused on the negative
Adolescents (ages 13 to 18) report frequent feelings of reactions (e.g., depression, anxiety, conduct problems)
anger, sadness, shame, helplessness, and a sense of that children sometimes exhibit in response to these
betrayal by the parents. They tend to cope with changes, but marital transitions are stressful for both
distancing themselves from their parents, remaining parents and children (King, 1992). Therapists and
aloof even a year of more later. Girls may respond to others often focus on the divorce itself without
parental divorce by becoming sexually precocious considering the experience that predict and follow the
(Hetherington, M. Cox, and R. Cox, 1985). Boys may event. Clinicians who have this restricted view tend to
become sexually insecure and threatened, acting out conceptualize a child’s psychology.
their feelings through drug use and aggression. Other During this period (infantile – genital period ages 3-4
boys become “supermacho,” exaggerating the male or so) the child experiences strong ambivalent feelings,
role. Because of their grater cognitive maturity, seeking the parent of the opposite sex as a lover, but at
adolescents are better able than younger children to see the same time both fearing and loving the parent of the
the divorce as mainly the parents’ problem. But for the same sex. An adequate resolution of the Oedipus
same reason, they often become more distrustful of the situation occurs when the child rejects the sexual and at
institution of marriage itself. the same time, identifies with the parent of the same
College – age students (ages 18 to 22) intellectually sex. By identifying with the same-sex parent, the child
understand and accept the reasons for their parents’ both assuages feelings of fear of reprisal and
divorce, but this understanding does not reduce their incorporates the traits of the same-sex parent, the traits
emotional upheaval. Many of them report depression, that made that parent win the love of the other. In
stress, and feeling of insecurity. They are old enough to effect, the boy identifies with his father and seeks to
feel empathy for their parents, yet they often worry that adopt his father’s characteristics. This means that the
no one appreciates their own grief and confusion boy identifies with his father and seeks to adopt his
(Cooney, Smyer, Hagestad, and Klock, 1986). father’s traits, the traits of masculinity. In like fashion,
Overall, girls adjust to divorce more easily than boys, the girl identifies with the mother and tries to behave in
and one reason seems to be that boys suffer more by those feminine ways that apparently have made her
being separated from the father when the mother has mother successfully attractive. The girl does the same
custody (Beech-Lublin, 1985; Guidubaldi and Perry, with her mother. This is the way Freudian theory
1985). Children who live in joint custody or in custody accounts for the development of masculine and
of the same-sex parent show significantly more feminine characteristics that fit the mode of the society
competence, maturity, cooperativeness, and self-esteem into which the child is raised (Thomas, 1983, p. 242).
than children living with the opposite-sex parent If the quality of affectional relationships at this time
(Meyer and Simons, 1998). (basic trust versus basic mistrust ages between 0 and 1)
A child’s ability to cope with divorce also depends on is poor, with the mother emotionally rejecting the baby
whether the parents settle into amicable (or at least while tending to its physical needs, the sense of trust is
silent) relations or continue to feel angry and damaged. This sets a poor foundation for the trust-
conflicted. Children will eventually recover from the mistrust ratio on which the child is to build the rest of
parents’ divorce, unless the parents continue to quarrel his life (Thomas, 1983, p. 270).
about visitation rights, take each other to court, or fight

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